Free to Love
by MeowSap
Summary: It's raining outside again. Astrid reflects upon the past... Oneshot. Astrid x Oscar. Thanks, FireEdge!


Yay! This is my second fic this month, as well as my first FE9 fic! (So far I've only done FE7...) I'm going to forewarn you that, _YES_, this fic _DOES_ have _**a semi-happy ending**_. So before you think that this is a complete tragedy...

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem. And I technically don't own the pairing...I asked FireEdge for permission! **

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**Free to Love**

A loud clap of thunder shook the floor. The woman did not flinch; she had seen the blinding flash of lightning and anticipated the sudden bang. She stood before a broad window, which was almost as tall as herself. One could surmise she was simply watching the somber rain drizzling from the grey clouds above. However, the pallid, tired expression she wore could clearly show that something troubled her guarded mind. Her chocolate brown hair was unkempt and frizzled; her orange eyes were fixed on no certain object behind the window. The light, translucent coat atop her pastel-colored nightgown fluttered once in a while as she shifted her weight. Here in her personal parlor, which was moderately furnished, Astrid could take off her usual mask and unleash her true feelings. She could be alone with the rain, a song of her memories, those forever unattainable dreams that had passed as soon as they came. Those days when she was free to do as she willed, free to love…

Footsteps crashed against the wood flooring, slowly increasing in volume. The plain white door of her parlor swung open, and two young girls in matching green gowns huddled at their mother's legs.

"Mother, Mother! It is raining!" said the taller one, her golden eyes wide with enthusiasm.

"We cannot sleep!" added the younger child.

The woman smiled as she lovingly pat their heads. "Can we sleep in your bed, Mother? We are afraid…"

Reluctantly, she nodded her head, and the girls immediately tucked themselves beneath the thick, comfortable blankets. Astrid approached her bedside table and lit three tallow candles. The long orange flames cast light upon the children's buoyant faces. They giggled in delight; sleeping in Mother's bed was always exciting, as well as another method of staying up past their bedtime.

Astrid laid a delicate kiss on each girl's forehead. She said to them with a sweet voice, "I want both of you to go to sleep…do you understand, Lin and Rueth?"

They nodded meekly and lowered their heads into the light pillows. Indeed, they _did_ resemble two tiny angels with innocent smiles laying their dark-haired heads upon the heavenly clouds.

Astrid returned to her post beside the dark window, folding her arms across her chest. Whatever memory loomed in her mind resumed where it had left off.

"Mother?" A quiet voice interrupted the silence.

A smile reappeared on Astrid's tired face as she turned around once more. "Yes?"

Rueth, the older daughter, grinned mischievously. "Will you read us a story, please?"

"Please?" Lin echoed, clasping her little hands together.

"I thought you said you would go to sleep…," Astrid reminded them.

Rueth and Lin frowned in defeat and decided to end the conversation without further argument. Their mother, upon seeing their adorable resignation, changed her mind. "All right…Rueth, you many pick a book to read, but I want you to read it to your sisters so that you may improve your reading skills."

Content with the bargain, Rueth sprang from the heavy covers. She inspected her mother's bookshelf, which contained various pieces of literature as well as story books for the children. Astrid was, once again, looking through the window, paying little attention to her daughter's actions.

Lin leaned on her sister's shoulder upon her return, curious to see what story Rueth had selected. Rueth opened the slender book, which unfortunately bore no colorful pictures. She flipped to the first page and recited the words that were scribbled on the discolored page. "'I have decided to write in a journal, for I can contain this anguish no longer…'"

Astrid lifted her head. Rueth had taken the journal she composed during the war! Astrid had placed the book on the shelf to discourage any suspicions from her husband, yet now her children were reading it aloud! At first, she thought to snatch the precious book from the girls, but she knew no actual harm could come from it. Besides, she had never mentioned her name in it; it could be _anyone's_ journal! The most harm would be done to her already tortured mind…

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_"Good day, m'lady… may I ask your name?"_

_"Oh, pardon me! My name is Astrid…," she replied timidly to the armored man. "I am new to this group, and I am afraid I do not know your name, either…"_

_"Forgive my impoliteness!" he exclaimed, obviously flustered. "My name is Oscar."_

_The green-haired man beamed, and she smiled shyly in return. "Hey, Oscar! Get over here!" his younger brother yelled._

_"I suppose I shall see you later, Lady Astrid…"_

_"Oh, yes. Stay safe!" she responded, waving her hand slightly as the man galloped away._

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_"Oh, hello, Sir Oscar…have you come out here to train, as well?" Astrid inquired, drawing another arrow from the quiver strapped at her side. _

_"N-no…not entirely," he said, walking up to her._

_"Well, I…I would enjoy your company very much, if that does not bother you…"_

_She let go of the arrow, letting it fly into the black bark of a dying tree. She turned to him and grinned. _

_"Lady Astrid, the reason I came here…," he looked deep into her eyes, "Is to tell you that…I love you."_

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_"You know, Astrid, ever since you said that to Oscar, he's been really happy. You should see him while he cooks! His grin is huge! And he's always merrily humming about the camp…," one of the female fighters noted to the bow knight._

_"Yeah…," Astrid agreed, sorrow hinted by her voice. _

_"What's wrong, Astrid?"_

_She plastered a fake, misleading smile onto her face to eliminate further questions. "Oh, it's nothing…"_

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Rueth and Lin were completely absorbed in this wonderfully romantic account. A girl who is forced to marry another, a knight who returns her love, a terrible secret just waiting to be unveiled…to the girls, it was just another fantastic fairy tale filled with love, adventure, and surprises. Fortunately, they were unaware that this heroine was actually their very own mother…

Currently, Astrid was quietly listening to the story, smiling with the happy moments and nearly in tears with the sad ones.

"'I had to tell him that'—What does that say?"

Rueth paused and squinted her eyes as she scanned at the words. The fancy cursive letters had been ruined by tears; circular blurs of ink spattered the final pages.

"'I was', Rueth," Astrid told them, her voice wavering. She knew that entry by heart…

"Oh, all right. 'I had to tell him that I was engaged already.'," Rueth repeated correctly.

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_The heavens poured its wrath upon the earth that day. The rain never stopped, or at least that is how it seemed. Astrid paced the porch lining the interior of the fort, thoughts of her fiancée disturbing her mind. She clawed at her head with her blunt nails; this agony was driving her mad! "I simply do not know how to tell him!" she casually muttered to herself._

_"Tell him what, Lady Astrid?"_

_She glanced up to see her beloved Oscar. His face was serious, genuinely concerned for her welfare. "Oscar...Oscar, I…"_

_He tenderly laid his hands on her arms and lowered them from her head. He witnessed several tears trickle from her eyes. He tilted his head slightly. "Lady Astrid?"_

_Now was her chance to release the news. She **had** to tell him. "Oscar…I am…I have a fiancée…m-my parents…they have already arranged a marriage for me."_

_The news must have appalled him greatly; he nearly stumbled as he took a step back. "Lady Astrid…you cannot mean that…that…"_

_She nodded ruefully. "I am so sorry…I am…I just could-couldn't bear to tell you…,"she said in barely a whisper. Her voice trembled, no, her entire body shook with the fear and sorrow. Her expression crumpled as she finally broke into a sudden fit of sobs. _

_He took her shoulders and pulled her into an intimate embrace, attempting to console the poor girl, if only for a moment. He kissed her gently as well, but this only worsened her emotions. She **knew** they could never be together, no matter how much they willed it. _

_The rain kept falling._

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"That's it? Mother, this book never even ended!" Rueth spouted. "Look at all these blank pages!"

Her excitement soon dimmed. "It _is_ a pity, though, that we do not know the author. I would love to read more of her works!"

Astrid wiped the tears from her eyes; the memory had replayed itself clearly. The vision of his pained face still haunted her mind.

Lin had fallen asleep at the very end, and Rueth could barely keep her eyelids open after her sudden exclamations. "Now go to sleep, both of you. That was our deal," Astrid commanded.

She blew out the dancing flames of the candles and took the journal from Rueth. For a moment, she hesitated with the book in her hands. She considered rushing down the stairs and casting it in the fireplace, eliminating the painful memories by destroying the very book that documented them. She dismissed the notion and placed the journal in its rightful position.

And there she was again, standing before the window, watching the dismal rain fall from its celestial home.

When she observed the rain, she could always recall that day, that tragic, horrible day when she told him her dark secret. She could inhale his scent, feel his warmth…everything was there, except _him_. No matter how many times she repeated the visions in her head, nothing could change her past.

She was now married to Count Rinnard, who was twenty-two years older than she, contrary to the popular exaggerations. She was just an object in his humongous mansion; he seldom said a word to her, and occasionally, they never even saw each other for days. He _did_ care for his daughters a bit more, but he always seemed too consumed in himself and his fortune to truly care for his family.

Astrid started grieving again. Her gut tightened as she tried to withhold her sobs. She collapsed to her knees and buried her face in her hands. No childish fantasy could relieve her. No phantom of her beloved could appear from nothingness and rescue her from this place. Bitterness, a corrupt blemish she had concealed in her heart for those long years, had finally enveloped her.

"I love you, Mother."

Lin had escaped the covers of the bed and wrapped her fragile arms around her mother's neck. "I love you too, Lin…," Astrid choked.

What was she doing? What was she _thinking_? How could she be so selfish to forget her very own daughters? Her tears subsided with this realization. She could not continue to dwell in the past, pouting over her misfortunes. She would not pour her life into one unchangeable thing. That would only put her on the same level of her self-absorbed husband. She stood and led her child to bed.

Even if she lost the true love of her life, she still had two wonderful daughters. She loved them, and they loved her back. She wanted them to be happy. "And I want the _best_ for them. I want them to be free…free to love who they choose."

She smiled as she looked upon their youthful faces, so soft and peaceful as they entered sleep. "Good night, Lin, Rueth…"

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The end! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review if you can; I adore reviews just as much as you.


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